numb

 losing sensation in my senses ..... losing myself in my mind

ears are meant to listen. mine don't. they absorb every word spoken. there's no filter. the process repeats till irreversible damage has been done.

i can never stop them from hearing. the words play in my head even if i close my hands over my ears.

the tongue is meant to help us speak. mine doesn't. it stays still. there's an immovable weight placed on it, stopping it from moving. the process repeats until i can't speak even when i'm asked to.

i can never make it speak. the words reverberate in my chest, which threatens to burst under pressure.

i hope it does, but that's unlikely. the forced silence must've engraved the words into my skin by now, they've been quiet for some time.

my eyes are meant to shed tears when i'm sad. they don't. i try and try, but my stupid eyes won't listen. the tears have stopped, but the sadness remains.

the tears don't fall when i need them to. instead, it always rains in my heart. it rains unshed tears and unspoken thoughts and unforgettable words.

and....

and...

and..

and.

and, what else? 

i'm too numb to decipher this complex puzzle forming in my brain. my mind is trying to tell me something. my mind is trying to guide me to peace and quiet, but i'm lost in its tricky maze. no matter which direction i turn in, i'm falling in deeper.

how long till this numbness consumes me? how long till i can shut out the voices that haunt my sleep? how long till i can open my mouth and speak without fearing any consequences? how long till my tears finally spill, not from melancholy, but from joy?

when can i start feeling again?

when can i escape the labyrinth of my own mind?

- enakshi <3